LOG ON: Make the wood stove hotter.

LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.

MONITOR: Keep an eye on that wood stove.

DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the truck.

FLOPPY DISK: What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.

RAM: The thing that splits the firewood.

HARD DRIVE: Getting home in the winter.

PROMPT: What the mail ain't in the winter.

WINDOW: What to shut when it's cold outside.

SCREEN: What to shut in black fly season.

BYTE: What the black flies do.

BIT: What the black flies did.

MEGA BYTE: What the BIG black flies do.

CHIP: Munchies for TV.

MICRO CHIP: What's left in the bag after you eat the chips.

MODEM: What you did to the hay fields.

DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.

LAP TOP: Where the kitty sleeps.

SOFTWARE: The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds.

HARDWARE: The real stainless steel cutlery.

MOUSE: What eats grain in the barn.

MAIN FRAME: What holds the barn up.

ENTER: City talk for - "Come on in, eh?"

WEB: What a spider makes.

WEB SITE: The barn or the attic.

CURSOR: Someone who swears.

SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the car dies.

SCREEN SAVER: A repair kit for the torn window screen.

HOME PAGE: A map you keep in your back pocket just in case you get lost in the field.

UPGRADE: Steep hill.

SERVER: The person at the Irving restaurant that brings the food.

MAIL SERVER: The guy at the Irving that brings the food.

MSDOS: Some new disease they discovered.

SOUND CARD: On of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it.

USER: The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff.

BROWSER: What they call you when your eye brows grow together.

NETWORK: When you have to repair your fishing net.

INTERNET: Complicated fish net repair method.

NETSCAPE: When a fish maneuvers out of reach.

ONLINE: When you get the laundry hung out on the washline.

OFFLINE: When the clothes pins let go and the laundry falls
on the ground.